Editor’s Note: Please see yesterday’s blog for the introduction to this new series, which puts on trial the father of a family of Disney fans. The charge? Over-planning his family’s vacations! Make sure you follow the series, as YOU will be asked to be a juror!
by Richard Bernato
Your honor, Fred Farkle’s Swat Team approach to Walt Disney World has wreaked havoc on his loving family’s ability to enjoy the most magical place on earth. His compulsive necessity to plan every detail of every moment has turned what is supposed to be a wonderful vacation and an opportunity to savor loving family memories into an exercise tantamount to D-Day.
Your honor, the plaintiff will demonstrate how Mr. Farkle’s behavior and overwhelming swat-team approach to touring Walt Disney World is the exemplar of how NOT to enjoy Walt Disney World.
We will show how Mr. Farkle’s obsession with being on the right line at the right time has caused his son to express, right in the middle of a fifty minute wait for Buzz Lightyear, “I hate Mickey Mouse! I hate this place! I want to go home!”
Further we will show how poor Fabio has been traumatized by being locked down in a sweaty stroller for countless hours and forced to look at even more countless shall we say “derrieres” at that stroller height a jigglin’ and a sloshin’ at his eye level for even more countless hours.
The plaintiff shall show how Mr. Farkle’s insistence on lock step touring of the Disney parks has alienated his teenage daughter from her parents as she was forced to go on children’s rides like the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Snow White’s Scary Adventures in front of other teen-aged peers whose parents wisely permitted to skip from riding.
And then, Your Honor we shall demonstrate how Mr. Farkle’s long-suffering wife, Fannie has endured being the buffer between Fred’s fanaticism and the emotional, psychic, and physical well being of their family.
We will produce testimony from ….
Judge Julia (raps gavel). Thank you Mr. Plaintiff we get the gist. (Looks at Fred Farkle’s attorney) Sir, are you ready with your opening remarks?
Rich may be the only blogger who; had an ORIGINAL Davy Crockett coonskin cap (and wishes he still had it); watched Disney’s Wonderful World of Color in black and white; watched the Disneyland opening ceremonies on that same black and white; AND rode the original It’s a Small World in the 1964 World’s Fair in New York. In addition, he is a college professor, and a grandfather of six whom he is thoroughly dis-doctrinating as often as possible.