by Richard Bernato
Last we visited this Trial of the Century, Philpot had finished his cross-examination of Francine Farkle, Fred’s teen-age daughter. Judge Julia had invited the Plaintiff’s lawyer to call her next witness.
Judge Julia: Ms. Francis, next witness?
Francis: Yes, you Honor, Plaintiff calls Fabio Farkle to the stand.
Fabio Farkle, Fred’s seven-year-old son, looks at his mother, then his father and proceeds to the stand.
Judge Julia: We will waive swearing in for the child’s age.
Ms. Francis: Fabio, you’re 7 years old?
Fabio: Yes I am, as a matter of fact. I am in the second grade.
FRANCIS: Good for you, and how many times have you been to Walt Disney World with your family.
FABIO: That depends.
FRANCIS: Depends? On what?
FABIO: On how you define “been to”. I have as an infant and as toddler and then as a pre-schooler, and now as a primary grade schooler and …
FRANCIS: Let’s go with that.
FABIO: But then you could or should add in my presence in Walt Disney World in utero. You do know what in utero means?
Francis is beginning to smell a rat, or is it a mouse?
FRANCIS: I do know what in utero means. Do you?
FABIO: Well of course, it means while I was gestating in my mother’s womb. If you count that then it is two more times I believe.
FRANCIS: That’s quite enough. We will just use the times when you as a viable, born, human being have been in Walt Disney World.
FABIO: Ok then, it would be 18 times.
FRANCIS: Of course you remember them all.
FABIO: Well my conscious memory of course begins with my birth but given that my mind was more preoccupied, as an infant, with being fed and changed I am sure that I don’t remember my initial forays into the World. But I am told by both of my parental units that it has been 18 times.
FRANCIS: Would you agree that your father’s preoccupation with planning and going to Walt Disney World with you and your sister has affected you?
FRANCIS (triumphantly): Very well. Please tell the Judge how these experiences have affected you.
FABIO: Well my first response is that I have been, and continue to be, disappointed by my father.
FRANCIS (smugly): Please proceed.
FABIO: Well dad has failed us all miserably.
FRANCIS: Please explain!
FABIO: Dad has failed in executing his plans through poor calculation, through misjudgment, and through ineffective assessment of all data available to him!
FRANCIS: You mean to say …?
FABIO: If Dad had listened to a modicum of my suggestions to him, we would all have had both a better time at the happiest place on earth, and we would have had an even more efficient time. I have calculated crowd calendars since I have been three. I have developed logarithms and have programmed my smart phone accurate to a statistical probability of less than point zero, zero, zero one.
FRED is beaming
FRANCIS (mortified): That will be all Fabio. Thank you. No more questions!!
JUDGE JULIA: Fabio, you may step down.
FABIO: Can I show you my autographed picture of Len Testa?
JUDGE JULIA: No, that is fine. Mr. Philpot?
PHILPOT: Oh no, no thank you, Fabio’s testimony is irrefutable.
JUDGE JULIA: That’s for sure. Ms. Francis?
Do you like to use Smart Phone apps to plan your time in the World, or do you prefer to “go with the flow”?
Rich may be the only blogger who; had an ORIGINAL Davy Crockett coonskin cap (and wishes he still had it); watched Disney’s Wonderful World of Color in black and white; watched the Disneyland opening ceremonies on that same black and white; AND rode the original It’s a Small World in the 1964 World’s Fair in New York. In addition, he is a college professor, and a grandfather of six whom he is thoroughly dis-doctrinating as often as possible.