by Richard Bernato
PHILPOT: Okay, Mr. Mouse we won’t belittle the court by asserting that you are actually Mickey Mouse.
MICKEY MOUSE: No, I am not but in the eyes of my bosses I am the Cast Member who plays him, personifies him.
PHILPOT: And as such I am trusting that the court accepts your testimony.
(He looks to Judge Julia for approval)
JUDGE JULIA: We will accept the Cast Member’s testimony as valid as long as you limit your questioning to this individual’s experiences with Disney World guests.
PHILPOT: Thank you your Honor, of course!
PHILPOT: How long have you been the go-to Mickey Mouse in Walt Disney World?
MICKEY MOUSE: Well, heh, heh. Other Cast Members also play me at other times. I do have a life, you know, beyond this character and costume. But I am glad to say that I have played Mickey Mouse for several years now in the Magic Kingdom.
PHILPOT: And some of the activities that you perform?
MICKEY MOUSE: Oh I might dance with Minnie. I might stroll the streets and attractions to greet Park guests. I pose for lots of pictures and sign lots of autographs! I even had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome once … you know … from signing autographs. Heh heh. I give lots of hugs.
PHILPOT: Have you ever met the defendant?
MICKEY MOUSE: Can’t say that I have.
PHILPOT: Have you met or seen people who may “behave” like the defendant?
MICKEY MOUSE: If you mean the uber-planners, yes, yes, of course. Just about every day.
PHILPOT: Those that you have seen, can you generalize their behavior and actions?
MICKEY MOUSE: In my opinion? I am grateful for those who plan and have been proactive about maximizing the most of Walt Disney World.
PHILPOT: Grateful? Why?
MICKEY MOUSE: For several reasons! They help to keep things running smoothly in all the theme parks. They don’t clog wait lines, moan and groan about queuing up for a long line. They know where they are going and know that the best plan is a plan to plan for all of what you may want to do.
However many of them there are in a given day and adding in their families and friends they may lead is seven-dwarfed, heh, heh, by those who wander and wonder and wander and wonder some more. Those folks sometimes minimize the magic by their confusion and lack of planning.
PHILPOT: Well Mickey, that is the longest speech I have ever heard from you! Thank you. No more questions.
JUDGE JULIA: Francis, your turn.
FRANCIS: Thank you your Honor. Mickey, so you approve of timetables, timelines, spreadsheets, iPhone apps, tweeting, alarm beeps, etc.?
MICKEY MOUSE: You know I do.
MICKEY MOUSE: People like Fred Farkle help other people enjoy all of what can be found in Walt Disney World.
FRANCIS: You have also heard about the meltdowns people have and possibly caused by the excessive zeal of the Freds of Walt Disney World.
MICKEY MOUSE: Heh, heh, I am no statistician, I’m just an icon, but this icon says that more Guests suffer at the hands of the non-planners than at the those of the Fred Farkles of the World.
FRANCIS: No more questions.
JUDGE JULIA: Mr. Philpot.
PHILPOT: The defense rests your honor.
JUDGE JULIA: Very well, tomorrow we will hear closing arguments so that the jury can be polled.
(She rises, courtroom members rise, she exits right)
What do you think? Do you agree with “Mickey”??
Rich may be the only blogger who; had an ORIGINAL Davy Crockett coonskin cap (and wishes he still had it); watched Disney’s Wonderful World of Color in black and white; watched the Disneyland opening ceremonies on that same black and white; AND rode the original It’s a Small World in the 1964 World’s Fair in New York. In addition, he is a college professor, and a grandfather of six whom he is thoroughly dis-doctrinating as often as possible.