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General Discussions Discuss The Joke Thread in the Community Center forums; I know this one has been around a while but it is one of my current favs. I did have to substitute the word lemon in lieu of something else. ...
  1. #16
    vixen101485's Avatar
    vixen101485 is offline Queen of the Swaps, bow before me
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    I know this one has been around a while but it is one of my current favs. I did have to substitute the word lemon in lieu of something else.

    The following letter was sent to a long time patron of a local Wal-Mart Store.
    After receiving this letter, she vowed that she would NEVER
    take her husband shopping with her again!!!

    January 12, 2006
    Re: Mr. Bill Fenton: Multiple Complaints

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,
    Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
    Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband Has caused.
    All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

    15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of lemon juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code 3 in house wares.....
    and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
    look" using different size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly,
    "There is no toilet paper in here!"
    It's a Disney thing. If you understood, your only question would be "can I go?"



    TRICK OR TREAT FOR UNICEF
    FOR MORE INFO CLICK THIS LINK http://inside.unicefusa.org/goto/Meghyn

  2. #17
    Silver Magic's Avatar
    Silver Magic is offline C-Ticket Holder
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    This is one my brother told me:

    Once there was a banker who only said "Money", a baker who only said "Forks and Knives", an opera singer who only sang "Me me me me", and a candy man who only said "Goody goody gum drops".

    One day there was a robbery and the police asked the banker "What did he steal?"
    The banker replied "Money".
    The police then asked the baker "what did he use?". The baker replied "Forks and Knives"
    Then the police asked the opera singer "Who stole the money?". The opera singer replied "Me me me me"
    The police said angrily "All right you're all under arest!"
    The candy man replied "Goody goody gum drops".

  3. #18
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    MandaBella is offline "She who must be loved."
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    Quote Originally Posted by disneydame2004 View Post
    I didn't write it, just shared the email
    That's what we're all doing in this thread Pat, just sharing funnies we've been sent or found. Well, at least I haven't written anything I have posted...can't speak for anyone else.

    Next up:

    A nun, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.

    Bartender says "What is this a joke?"
    Amanda
    always plotting, planning, and looking forward to our next adventure...


  4. #19
    trickster's Avatar
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    I must remember all those I posted on the RT Thread and post them here!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  5. #20
    ERich2010's Avatar
    ERich2010 is offline just cant get enough
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    how do you make a michigan cookie?

    put it in a bowl and beat it for 3 hours!
    Eric

    Yo Ho Yo Ho a Pirates Life for Me...


    Bangarang Rufio

  6. #21
    flutter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ERich2010 View Post
    how do you make a michigan cookie?

    put it in a bowl and beat it for 3 hours!
    I don't get it



  7. #22
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: What do you call a deer with one eye?
    A: Noeyedeer
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  8. #23
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A: Still noeyedeer!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  9. #24
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    A: Where you left it!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  10. #25
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
    A: Because he had nobody to go with!!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  11. #26
    trickster's Avatar
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    Two fish in a tank. One says to the other: "How'd you drive this thing?"!!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  12. #27
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
    A: You're too young to smoke!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  13. #28
    trickster's Avatar
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    Q: Why don't the Irish have Ice Cubes?
    A: They lost the recipe!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  14. #29
    trickster's Avatar
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    Three friends go out for a dink. Two walk 'into' the bar, the third uses the door!!!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

  15. #30
    trickster's Avatar
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    It's hard to think of the PG Jokes!!
    Rich

    "Most of my life I have done what I wanted to do. I have had fun on the job.
    I have never been able to confine that fun to office hours." ~ Walt Disney

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