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General Discussions Discuss Lets make Belle smile! in the Community Center forums; True story: Back when I was living in DC, my roommate and I were on a mission from his then very pregnant wife. She was craving yogurt , and lots ...
  1. #226
    Conceited Ape's Avatar
    Conceited Ape is offline 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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    True story:

    Back when I was living in DC, my roommate and I were on a mission from his then very pregnant wife. She was craving yogurt, and lots of it. My buddy had already covered this chapter of "What To Expect When She's Expecting," so he and I hopped into the Mystery Machine and headed for the local dairy section.

    On the way back home, this car full of punks cut us off, made some obscene gestures, and nearly ran us off the road! Well, I'm not sure what got into my roomie, but he pulled up next to that car and made them spin out off of the road. He hit the brakes, and backed on up. I had never seen him so angry, and there was no way I wasn't gonna back up my pal on whatever was about to happen. As we hopped out of the van, we were ready for anything. There could've been some fistplay, some knifeplay, some gunplay........but what we didn't count on was there being Yoplait all over the interior of the van (moral of the story is slow down gradually).
    "The society that draws too great of a distinction between its scholars and its warriors will end up having its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools." --probably Thucydides

  2. #227
    SnwhtNdwrfs's Avatar
    SnwhtNdwrfs is offline Dancing with the dwarfs!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Conceited Ape
    True story:

    Back when I was living in DC, my roommate and I were on a mission from his then very pregnant wife. She was craving yogurt, and lots of it. My buddy had already covered this chapter of "What To Expect When She's Expecting," so he and I hopped into the Mystery Machine and headed for the local dairy section.

    On the way back home, this car full of punks cut us off, made some obscene gestures, and nearly ran us off the road! Well, I'm not sure what got into my roomie, but he pulled up next to that car and made them spin out off of the road. He hit the brakes, and backed on up. I had never seen him so angry, and there was no way I wasn't gonna back up my pal on whatever was about to happen. As we hopped out of the van, we were ready for anything. There could've been some fistplay, some knifeplay, some gunplay........but what we didn't count on was there being Yoplait all over the interior of the van (moral of the story is slow down gradually).

    LOL- and I bet you had to go back and get some more!


  3. #228
    Conceited Ape's Avatar
    Conceited Ape is offline 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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    One fine morning, a chicken bounded into the library and jumped onto the counter in front of the librarian. The bird looked around and clucked "Book! Book! Book...!" Just to satisfy her curiousity, she tenatively handed the chicken a book, just to see what would happen. The chicken took the book and stuck it under its wing, turned around, hopped off the counter, out the door, and was gone.

    The next morning, the chicken returned, with the book in tow. It placed the return on the counter, and again clucked "Book! Book! Book!" Well, the birdie did bring back the original in good shape, so the librarian again passed off another to the chicken. And again, the chicken was gone with a new piece of reading material.

    After a week a this ritual, the librarian decided to see for herself where it was this chicken was going. After granting the bird a new book, she relieved herself from the desk, and followed the bird down the street, out of town, and into a swamp. She watched as the chicken crossed a bog by skipping lily pad to lily pad, and finally came to a stop in front of a bullfrog. The chicken placed the book onto the frog's pad and clucked triumphantly, "Book! Book! Book!"

    The frog looked at the cover, and croaked: "Rrreaddit."
    "The society that draws too great of a distinction between its scholars and its warriors will end up having its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools." --probably Thucydides

  4. #229
    Conceited Ape's Avatar
    Conceited Ape is offline 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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    A gynecologist was finding himself getting fed up with the American medical scene, and hung up his gloves. Still young and not looking to be a leech on society, he checked the local help wanted ads; seeing if there was any other place that could use a pair of skilled hands. He decided to try his luck as a mechanic, and enrolled in a training course.

    At the conclusion of his final exam, he waited on pins and needles for the results. His instructor approached, and showed him the grade sheet. The former gyno had scored 150% on the test. He was elated, but took this up with his grader, figuring that although this was an outstanding percentage, there may have been some sort of typographical error.

    No, there wasn't, the instructor explained. He told him that 50% of the score was based on properly assessing the problem with the vehicles, and the other 50% was for correct disassembly and re-assembly under the hood.

    "I gave you another 50% because you did all that through the muffler."
    "The society that draws too great of a distinction between its scholars and its warriors will end up having its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools." --probably Thucydides

  5. #230
    SnwhtNdwrfs's Avatar
    SnwhtNdwrfs is offline Dancing with the dwarfs!
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    What did the boy elephant say to the girl elephant on Valentine's Day?
    I love you a ton!

    What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine's Day?
    You're fun to hang around with

    What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle on Valentine's Day?
    You mean a great dill to me!


  6. #231
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    What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?
    I'm nuts about you!

    What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?
    You're nuts so bad yourself.

    What do you call a very small valentine?
    A valentiny!


  7. #232
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    Knock, Knock
    Who's there
    Jimmy
    Jimmy who
    Jimmy a little kiss?


    Knock, Knock
    Who's there
    Emma
    Emma who
    Emma hoping I'll get lots of valentine cards

    Knock Knock
    who's there
    Atlas
    Atlas who
    Atlas I'm finished with Valentine's jokes


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