General Discussions Discuss Lets make Belle smile! in the Community Center forums; A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ...
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
A brunnette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21."
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
Suddenly, the brunnette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.
The Brunnette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22".
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"
A blonde walks into a bar and stands in front of a soda machine. She puts 50 cents in and a soda comes out. She puts that one down, puts in another 50 cents and another soda comes out. The blonde continues to do the same thing over and over for an hour and the bartender starts wondering what she's doing. Finally, he goes up to her and asks what the **** she's doing. She giggles and replies, "I'm winning!"
Come on... it's funny!!! I'm a blonde and I love these jokes!!! Just keep telling yourself that blondes have more fun!!!
Originally Posted by disneydreamer98
Belle I hope you are smiling!!!
Two blondes were walking down the street when one found a small mirror. She picked it up and looked in it. Puzzled she said, "I just know that I've seen this face somewhere before." The other blonde grabbed the mirror and said, "Give it to me." She looked into the mirror and said, "Well duh silly, it's me!"
One day, a blond was sittin in her kitchen tryin to work on a puzzle that she found. It just was NOT working for her. Her husband comes home and says "what are you doin, hunni?" and she says "I'm tryin to work on this darn puzzle but it's not working! it's supposed to be of a tiger but none of the pieces fit together!" he says "dear, why don't you put the frosted flakes away and take a nap, you've been working too hard lately."
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked over to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" The contractor replied, "I'm sorry, but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Boy Lori....people must share A LOT of blonde jokes with you!!! It's gonna take Belle all day just to get caught up on this new thread!!!
Things to do at a fast food drive thru!
1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
I guess I will stray away from the blonde jokes for a bit... my head kinda hurts... JOKE!!!
Originally Posted by disneydreamer98
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
*Side note-I have many blondes at my home. I love blondes. You could just as easily put in the word "aggie" as far as I am concerned. Go Texas Tech! Sorry! don't mean to offend all of the wonderful blondes on this thread!
For the guys....
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.