punny things

[Conceited Ape]

Poor rookie Jungle Cruise skipper, unaware that I was onboard, once told the boat about an incident involving herself, the popcorn industry, and the US Army. "There were colonels everywhere!" she related.

Without missing a beat, I told her that comment was in general bad taste, and I took major offense. If she made a pun that bad again, she'd be in for some corporal punishment.

She kinda looked at me stunned for a moment, so I told her "in private, of course."

Good times.

[SnwhtNdwrfs]

A chicken in love is poultry emotion.

[Rocketeer]

When Peter Pan spoke to Captain Hook, he made an off-hand comment.

[Rocketeer]

When Mission:Space had a malfunction, Disney had to hire a spin doctor.

[MainStreet, USA]

Ok, this one would have worked better before you all attended your Easter services this moring, but just heed this warning before you next attend church:

He who farts in church sits in his own pew.

[tiggerguy]

Over that way is a small village constantly annoyed by all the racket. All 500 villagers suffer from insomnia; they just can't sleep. They call themselves the Indian napless 500.

[Rocketeer]

Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.

[SnwhtNdwrfs]

Three fingers wanted to write but the thumb and forefinger were opposed.

[tiggerguy]

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!

[vixen101485]

The hen was unable to add numbers until the rooster bought her a new cackle-later.

[LadyDooley]

I am not a very punny person.

[AlecTronic]

The guy who thinks he can't lose at Poker, isn't playing with a full deck.

[PinkTink918]

An animal lover was dismayed that he had run over a rabbit while driving a rural road. Much to his amazement, a woman stopped and said she had the cure to the rabbit's predicament. She whipped out a can of spray, doused the rabbit, and the rabbit sprang back to life!!!

He hopped a few feet, turned back, waved. The animal lover waved back, his heart swelling that he did not end the life of the animal after all. A few bounces later, the rabbit waved back. And again, a few feet later, the rabbit stopped, turned back, and waved.

Perplexed, the man asked the woman what was in the spray.

"Oh, it's simple," she said. "It's hare spray. Brings dead hair back to life and adds permanent bounce and wave!"

[Rocketeer]

OK - I just made this one up (really!) - it's up to you to tell me if I'm
A) Expertly creative, or
B) You'd rather not say so as to not hurt my feelings.



You all know Tom, right? Tom Morrow. OK. He was usually an honest hard-working fellow, and people thought he had a promising future. When his job as a CM at Horizons came to an untimely end (on 1/9/1999), he focused on one of his favorite pasttimes - typing with his toes. He became so proficient at it, he eventually turned professional and entered into the international ring of toe-typing competitions.

Now about the same time there was Albert. He was generally a very hopeful but misguided individual. He was brought on as a "CM-in-waiting" back in 1982, at the Rhine River attraction over at Germany. While very patiently waiting, he developed his pasttime as a chain smoker (yes, always in the dedicated smoking area). Friends eventually convinced him to stop, and to fight the cravings he chewed spearmint gum. A lot of it. Actually Albert was chewing 4-5 packs a day, earning him the nickname "Spearmint AL". He knew it couldn't be good for him, and so out of his concern for himself and others, he did some research on the health effects of second hand gum. He got so caught up in the controversies and pending litigations he decided to go to law school (aka a "Reverse-Lou").

By the time he passed the bar exam the gum chewing bubble had burst, leaving him looking for work. Albert took an opening at TITTO (The International Toe-Typing Organization) for interesting work in competition scandals. (As a side note, he was able to kick the spearmint gum habit by putting all his time and effort into litigation procedings.)

Now enter Tom again - and the advent of high speed digital imaging. He was winning his competitions of toe-typing single footedly, crushing the competition throughout the world. TITTO installed high-speed cameras at the competitions and there it was - his method of victory: six toes on his left foot, clearly in violation of the International Agreement of Fair Play. Albert took the case quiet excitedly, and even designated his personal office space as the home office.

On the door he mounted a prominent sign, which read:

" Ex-Spearmint Al's Pro Toe-type Committee on Tom Morrow "

[PinkTink918]

It's good! :-)