punny things

**tiggerguy** · 02-14-2007, 08:24 AM

Why will you never starve at the beach? Because of all of the sand which is there.

**tiggerguy** · 02-15-2007, 06:23 PM

The knights facing each other at King Arthur's table disagreed a lot, because they were diametrically opposed.

**Rocketeer** · 02-15-2007, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by tiggerguy

Why will you never starve at the beach? Because of all of the sand which is there.

Speaking of sandwiches...

I was visiting France, and while in Paris I decided to take a guided tour around the beautiful cathedral on the banks of the Seine. As we were being shown around the building, all of a sudden I spotted a sandwich box lying on the floor.

So I picked it up, and handed it to the guide. He was very apologetic, and hurried off with it. After a few minutes, I could hear him calling up the bell tower:
"Quazimodo! You left your sandwich box lying around again!"

When the guide returned, he apologised again, and when we asked him about the sandwiches, he said: "Don't worry about it... it's just the Lunchpack of Notredame."

**tiggerguy** · 02-16-2007, 08:33 AM

Make no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it.

**Rocketeer** · 02-16-2007, 09:18 AM

Noah Builds Another Ark

One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, anything you want after all you're the boss".
But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers.
"Fish?" Queries Noah.
"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies, "OK God, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"
"Check".
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".
"Check".
"And you want it full of Carp?".
"Check"
"But why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
"Well...." says God, "I just thought it would be nice to have a Multi-Story Carp Ark"

**tiggerguy** · 02-19-2007, 12:26 PM

It is difficult to escape being a peasant because resistance is feudal.

**tiggerguy** · 02-20-2007, 07:35 AM

The parsley farmer couldn't pay his child support, so the courts garnished his wages.

**tiggerguy** · 02-21-2007, 08:34 AM

“What is the question insomniacs are always asking people? 'How'd you sleep last night?'”

**tiggerguy** · 02-22-2007, 08:34 AM

Farmers are real experts - they are often outstanding in their field.

**elphaba** · 02-22-2007, 08:48 PM

My doctor was out sick last week.

**tiggerguy** · 02-23-2007, 07:36 AM

Where would you go to mail a loaf of bread? The Toast Office.

**fungus_01** · 02-26-2007, 12:24 AM

OMG This thread is toooooooo funny! Ok here's one:

One day Arnold Schwarzenegger gets together with Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. The three start discussing film projects they would like to do and Sly suggests that the three should make something together. So they think about it and Bruce suggests a historical film on some of the great classical composers. They all agree it sounds like a great film but which composer would each portray. Well Sly says he has always admired Mozart so he would like to play him. Then Bruce says that he would love to portray Beethoven so he would take that role. So then it's just up to Arnold to decide. Haydn? No. Schubert? No. He thinks and thinks and thinks and finally his face lights up. He looks at Sly and then at Bruce and proudly exclaims..."I'll be Bach!"