punny things

[MandaBella]

I don't have a pun, sorry. However, has anyone ever tried using these at the Laugh Floor? Last time I was there, my mind went blank and I couldn't think of one joke/pun to text while waiting in the queue.

[tiggerguy]

New years resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.

[pupdogwolf]

Made this one up :P

So a man had the stomach flu and it made him have to use the bathroom a lot. A friend called to ask how he was doing and the man said "I'm feeling kinda crappy"

[tiggerguy]

If you write bad things about me I am libel to sue you.

[trickster]

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me!!!!!!!

[tiggerguy]

If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.

[trickster]

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

[tiggerguy]

Some people go into martial arts just for kicks.

[trickster]

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

[tiggerguy]

Having children is a heir raising experience.

[tiggerguy]

How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks.

[tiggerguy]

He was a janitor in the restaurant. He did things under the table.

[tiggerguy]

The barber did well at house breaking as he was good at cutting locks.

[tiggerguy]

There was a fireman who kept going back to college and finally got third degree burnout.

[tiggerguy]

Jackhammer operators like to break new ground.