punny things

[tiggerguy]

Sign on a music store window: 'Come in and pick out a drum -- then beat it!'

[tiggerguy]

In the French Revolution to stay alive you really had to keep your head.

[tiggerguy]

A skier who makes it to the olympics finds that it is all down hill from there

[tiggerguy]

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

[tiggerguy]

Although I did not know the name of the boy who bumped his chin while playing a song in the children's handbell choir, his face rang a bell.

[ERich2010]

the Jewish teacher asked his students if he could skateboard with them. they replied, "Silly Rabbi, tricks are for kids"

[tiggerguy]

The general started bowling before his aide had entered his name on the score sheet. He had launched a pre-emptive strike.

[tiggerguy]

The sad dentist looked down in the mouth.

[tiggerguy]

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

[tiggerguy]

Let me share with you a couple of keys to playing piano.

[tiggerguy]

I asked somebody a question about pi, their answer was never ending!

[tiggerguy]

He bent over to pick up a sieve and strained himself.

[Rocketeer]

Haven't been around for awhile, Brian - SORRY!!!
=====
Let's try:

Recently, the Seattle Orchestra was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims...
Now at this point, you must understand two things: Firstly, there's a quite long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page. Secondly, there is a night club right across the street from the Seattle's Orchestra Hall, rather favored by local musicians.
It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and drink a few brews.
After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."
Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."
So they had another round, and finally returned to the Opera house, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied.

[tiggerguy]

Smells in the army are according to rank.

[tiggerguy]

I had some back trouble, but it's all behind me now