punny things

[Keasmom]

I walked into this posh restaurant, the prices were extortionate, it was daylight snobbery.

[tiggerguy]

In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

[tiggerguy]

When news that a meat shipment was coming reached the gold rush you could stake your claim and then claim your steak.

[SuperStarKerri]

A little over a week ago I went to 1900 Park Fare for a character breakfast. Me & my friend were wearing our graduate mouse ears. The Mad Hatter of course made a comment to me about how strange it was that someone as dumb as me could graduate. I told him I squeaked by.

[tiggerguy]

Calendars are always up to date.

[tiggerguy]

The police found stolen lamp shades but couldn't shed any light on the thief.

[tiggerguy]

What did the minister say to the underdressed layman? "No shoes, no shirt, no service"

[tiggerguy]

When I asked if I could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted they assured me I would be covered.

May the fourth be with you.

[tiggerguy]

Can Napoleon return to his place of birth? Of Corsican.

[Rocketeer]

OK - to appease my conscience since I haven't been around to contribute much lately, here is a collection of 10 animal-related puns ...

What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer?
One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.

What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer?
One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh.

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin?
One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce ?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

What is the difference between a miser and a canary ?
One's a little cheap and the other is a little cheeper.

What is the difference between an angry crowd and a cow with a sore throat ?
One boos madly and the moos badly.

What's the difference between a movie starlet and a mouse?
One charms hes, the other harms cheese.

What is the difference between a frog and a cat ?
A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.

What is the difference between a terrible marksman and a constipated owl ?
The terrible marksman shoots and never hits.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog ?
The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

[tiggerguy]

The pope, on his 2008 tour in the United States, skipped Mass.

[PolynesianMedic]

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

[tiggerguy]

Old Senators don't die, they just go over the Hill.

[tiggerguy]

I met a math professor who has 12 children - she really knows how to multiply.

[tiggerguy]

What's the difference between a Shaker and a Quaker? About two points on the Richter Scale.