punny things

To get a wig bald men have toupee a lot of money.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."

"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

There was a Russian man named Rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB. One evening Rudolph and his wife, were walking along, and it began to snow.

"My, my, look at the lovely snow," said his wife.

"No, that is not snow, that is rain!" replied Rudolph.

"No, no, no, this is snow," she said.

"Look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him."

Rudolph went to the palace guard and said, "is it raining or snowing?"

The guard was no dummy, so he said "What do YOU think it is doing, Rudolph?"

Rudolph replied, "raining."

The guard said "yes comrade, I was going to say raining, also!"

So Rudolph and his wife went walking off. The guard could just barely hear the KGB official say: "Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear."

“The man brought an umbrella with him into the ice cream store because he heard there was a chance of sprinkles.”

A college freshman on a dare stole twenty-three bottles of beer one night.

But to his relief the District Attorney dropped the charges.

She said she could not make a case of it!

The Jedi Knight traded in his light saber for a light dagger. He had gone over to the dirk side.

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.

Meet me at the clothes line. That's where I hang out!”

The only similarity between ancient times and the 1970's is that both were full of people getting stoned.

One-one was one racehorse: two-one was one too -- two-one won one race: one-one won one too.

Never upset a cannibal. You might end up in hot water.

The psychic went out of business. I wonder if she saw that coming.