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General Discussions Discuss punny things in the Community Center forums; A man had a dog called Minton. One day it ate two shuttlec ocks. When the owner found out, he said "bad Minton!"...
  1. #121
    tiggerguy's Avatar
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    A man had a dog called Minton.

    One day it ate two shuttlec ocks.

    When the owner found out, he said "bad Minton!"
    Brian
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  2. #122
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    To termites, a group of dead trees is an arbor eat'um.

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    Guard Snake

    There was a snake called Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary lever. It was the lever that if moved would destroy the world. Nate took his job very seriously. He let nothing get close to the lever.

    One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!

    Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that is was better Nate than lever.
    Brian
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  4. #124
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    A lion tamer is walking a lion around downtown New York when he gets a call on his cell phone from the big cat's owner. The owner is on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, and wants the tamer to bring the lion up so it can see the city.

    On the ride up in the elevator, the animal becomes frightened, and attacks the tamer, mauling him severely.

    When they get off, the owner says to the tamer: "Boy, you look awful!"

    The tamer replies: "I'll tell you one thing, chief, I'm not taking this lion down!"
    Brian
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  5. #125
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    A man had an ice delivery business. Most of his customers were bar owners. One day, he had two more stops to make. One at Barb's Place and one at Sue's Stop. Barb had forgotten to order ice this week and asked if he had any extra.

    The man said, "No, I only have ice for Sue."
    Brian
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  6. #126
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    SnwhtNdwrfs is offline Dancing with the dwarfs!
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    OH, those last three were great!!! LOL!!!


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    SnwhtNdwrfs is offline Dancing with the dwarfs!
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    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
    lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
    manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they
    asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
    in an open foyer."


  8. #128
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    An animal orthodontist who practiced in Iowa was called one day by a frantic farmer in Australia. "Help sir!" he cried, "I just got braces and orthodontic equipment for 100 of my sheep, and the local sheep orthodontist just died! I need a responsible animal dentist to come care for my flock!"

    The orthodontist was moved, and a good price was offered, so he promptly flew to Australia for what he figured would be a week or two of work.

    But he found that he was entirely unfamiliar with the orthodontic equipment the sheep had been given, and he spent a whole six months in Australia trying to figure out the foreign braces.

    When at last he boarded a plane for home, after half a year of frustrating work, he sighed with happiness.

    "At last", he said, .... "I'll be seeing ewes in all the old familiar braces!"
    Brian
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  9. #129
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    Given the reality of my generally recognized lack of maturity, I must confess that I frequently do enjoy children's weekend programming. However, I would prefer it to be educational. Sometimes, I get fooled. This last weekend for instance, I was tempted to watch an animated feature about the Capital of the Sudan in Africa.

    Then, it came to me that it was just another Saturday morning Khartoum show.
    Brian
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  10. #130
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    this is probably really stupid but....

    the math teacher had a hard time controlling hi pupils!!!
    Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney



  11. #131
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    During the invasion of Sicily in World War II, General George Patton was preparing to take the city of Palermo. He checked with his meteorologists and learned the day he had chosen would be incredibly rainy. So he issued an order to place copies of the New York 'Times' immediately beneath the tailgates of the transports carrying his troops. In this way the men could keep their feet dry.

    His staff was mystified. Why the "Times"? Why not the New York "Daily News"? Patton was adamant, and one did not argue with the General.

    As five tons of old copies of the "Times" were being loaded, the General issued one of his greatest quotes to the assembled war correspondents: "these are the 'times' that dry men's soles."
    Brian
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  12. #132
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    DisneyFREAK91 is offline We go on
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    ..............

    that's all I say
    Remember, Dreams Come True!









  13. #133
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    What do you call a doctor who treats retired soldiers? A veteran-arian.
    Brian
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerguy
    What do you call a doctor who treats retired soldiers? A veteran-arian.
    Hmmm... I probably would have added something like ...Hitler's retired soldiers... (Arian race and all) - but that tends to put a rather negative gloom on an otherwise witty pun.

    Moving on...

  15. #135
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    Conceited Ape is offline 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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    No pun to offer here (no big loss in my case, anyway), but since you bring him up; in late 1944, Hitler had promised a new Volkswagen to every German soldier once the war was won for the motherland.

    Guess it wasn't quite as strong of an inscentive as he'd hoped........

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