just a warning... you may cry...i know i did
She was so much more than just a cat like my title says, she was our baby. We knew this day was coming. I was afraid it was soon but trying to be optimistic that it was farther away... and today I just knew.
I could tell she wanted to be free. She was in pain, and I could tell her organs were starting to shut down. And that is something that I didn't want her to experience.
So we headed to the vet. I talked to her most of the way there telling her it will be okay, telling her that mama's crying right now because she's scared, but she understands, and somehow I made it there.
We got into a room right away and she was wandering. She wanted to jump off the table after she was seen, but I wouldn't let her. She was weak, so as a mom I lifted her down. She wandered and wandered, checking out both doors. After she wanded for awhile and kept trying to see under doors, I realized who she was looking for... she wanted her Daddy to make sure that her Mommy was taken care of. And then I broke down.
Her Daddy made it there right before the vet came in, and he got some time with our baby. He picked her up and put her right next to me on a seat, and she stayed there. She went to sleep curled up against my side with her Daddy holding both of us.
The vet came in, we got our options, we could do blood work and see what organs were shutting down, see if it could be reversed, but she has cancer, so without the chemo she probably wouldn't make it, so we decided to put her out of pain and put her to sleep. We didn't want her to suffer anymore. We knew it was right. She was waiting for us to catch up with her decision. She always was so smart.
We stayed with her the entire time, they gave her a sedative to make her sleepy first, and she went to sleep very gently and we petted her and loved her and held her and told her that it's okay. I told her to go chase squirrels with Tigger, and to bite Tuesday, because that's how they'll get along. I want them all to take cat-naps together. I told her to say hi to all my relatives that passed because I know they will be there for her. I told her to welcome Thor when he gets there because he has cancer too on his bladder so he won't be with us in Wisconsin much longer... and she slowly driffted off.
I think she left sometime during that. And then we stayed while they put her to sleep the rest of the way.
RIP Smores. Thank you for waiting to say good-bye to Daddy. You always took care of us with cuddles and I think you were taking care of me when you waited for Ryan because you knew he would take care of me. ANd you knew you wanted to say good-bye. We love you so much baby. We didn't pack up your stuff immediately because we want to be rid of you, it just hurts too much. Although your bed you made yourself is still in my closet, and all your toys are just in cat towers. Please do come visit in whatever form you can, and we love you so much. We will miss you to cuddle with in the morning with whoever the person who gets out of bed second, you always kept us company. Or sleeping on my head. Or meowing in the middle of the night because you just wanted to be petted. Your head-butts were the greatest in the world, and I miss them already.
I wanted to blog not just to remember you, because I know I will without any help of a blog, but I guess I wanted the world to know how special you are. You are so special my baby girl, and we will never ever forget you or stop loving you. You just have magical flying power now.